I Less Than Three You
by Hyouri
Summary: Sollux Captor is a socially awkward young man who have spent more time with computers than with humans. All of a sudden he's thrown into college life and meet the loud, angry and slightly hostile Karkat Vantas, which makes his life take a huge turn from.
1. It's hard

**I Less Than Three You**

**AN: **Alright, so this is up on AO3, but I'll put it up here as well... for now. I like AO3 more to be honest, but well! XD  
>It's a CollegeHumanstuck!AU. Focusing on Sollux mostly, but there will be SolKar later on. And this chapter is quite short, because it's just the intro. The others will be longer!<p>

And I dedicate this to be absolutely best and dearest friend, Hayato/KK/. For being my friend! We'll soon be reunited and bitching at each other again!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 - It's hard<strong>

If you asked Sollux Captor to explain how a human being worked he would immediately start comparing the human body with a complex computer program that consists of a huge clusterfuck of various scripts.

How did all internal functions really work? How did the blood get pushed the right direction? How did the heart know how often to beat? How do humans just automatically adjust to breathing?

It didn't matter how much he had read about it, Sollux still liked to imagine that perhaps humans were all programmed, in a way. He could certainly see all of the for-, if- and while-loops that kept things running properly.

It was logical, wasn't it? As if everyone ran on the same scripts. Of course there was some people who didn't work the same, people who suffered from various sicknesses and such.  
>Sickness. Couldn't that be compared to an error? There were errors that could be fixed, small errors you could live with... and of course there was fatal errors. Really bad ones.<p>

So doctors had to be the programmers of the human body. They did the debugging and repairing when something decided to crash.

It all made sense! At least to Sollux.

He understood computers more than he understood humans, perhaps that was why he was trying to compare his "fellow" humans with computers. That would give him some way to relate to others.

But it wasn't easy.

Oh God no, it wasn't easy at all.

It was hard growing up with all those thoughts. It was hard and no one understood.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>As said, short intro was short.

Hold on. There will be more and longer chapters. I'm not gonna say anything about how fast I'll be updating because school is pretty much suffocating me with work right now.

Hope you'll enjoy!


	2. Welcome to hell

**I Less Than Three You**

**AN: **Perhaps I ended up getting a burst of inspiration while in school.  
>Perhaps I neglected my programming duties and wrote fanfiction instead.<br>Uhm yes. Haha.

Enjoy! XD

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 - Welcome to hell<strong>

Sollux Captor let out an irritated sigh as he noticed that he didn't have only one error, but five new ones in his code. It was a clear sign that he should have gone to sleep hours ago. Instead of making things better, he was making them worse.

And oh God he was starting to write spaghetti code, wasn't he? It looked like a mess, that was for sure. He would have to spend quite some time untangling the mess after sleeping. If not just start over. It would probably be more painless than having to spend time correcting it.

But he didn't want to go to sleep, because that meant he would have to get up to go to school. Oh yes, he had ended up getting into university because what else could he do?

With a groan he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He was tired and his eyes were starting to hurt quite a bit. Perhaps it would be for the best to just go to bed.

But just as he contemplated this a ping brought him out of his thoughts. Oh, someone was pestering him. Of course he already knew who it was.

CG: HEY ASSHAT.  
>CG: WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?<br>TA: jeez your greetiing2 are alway2 2o niice.  
>TA: ii'm codiing.<br>TA: but ii 2hould go two 2leep, ii gue22.  
>CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?<br>CG: HAHA OH GOD DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT YET.  
>TA: what of cour2e ii haven't. ii wa2 about two turn off the computer when you 2tarted two pe2ter me.<br>CG: LOOK AT THE TIME, SMARTASS.  
>CG: ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO SLEEP NOW?<br>TA: huh?  
>TA: oh 2hiit.<p>

Going to sleep had been a great idea. Until his online friend made him realize what time it was.

"Fuck my life," he tiredly whispered as he removed his headphones and looked at the time in the corner of his computer screen.

7.21 am. Just great.

All of a sudden he wished that he had gone to sleep instead of sitting up all night long working on that stupid program. His body felt heavy even though he was pretty skinny.

And if he was going to be perfectly honest with himself, he had no idea when he had slept for a whole night last time. Perhaps it was about a week ago or so. He'd catch an hour or two of sleep each day, then he'd keep going. Just like a machine, and that was basically what he felt like. Once in a while he just needed some fuel so he could keep going for a while longer.

He glanced back at the screen.

CG: TOLD YOU SO.  
>CG: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET A SHOWER.<br>CG: WHO KNOWS HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN SITTING THERE.  
>CG: YOU PROBABLY SMELL LIKE SHIT.<br>TA: 2crew you cg.  
>TA: anyway ii'm leaviing.<br>TA: fuck thii2 2hiit.  
>CG: YEAH YEAH SEE YOU LATER TA.<br>TA: unle22 ii jump off of a cliiff.  
>CG: DRAMAQUEEN.<p>

Sollux rolled his eyes and shut down the computer. As he pushed himself up from the chair he couldn't help grimacing. His joints made all kinds of weird cracking and popping noises that they most likely shouldn't do. That was what he got for not moving for 12 hours. Shit, not weird he felt stiff all over.

"Shower," he grumbled to himself as he stumbled into the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind on the floor. CG was right, he didn't smell particularly nice.

He let out a content sigh as he leant against the wall, closed his eyes and let the warm water pour down his body. It made him relax quite a bit, and made his joints feel a bit better too.

Sadly enough the shower had to end. Begrudgingly he got into a pair of skinny jeans and pulled a yellow and black hoodie on, which was too large for him. But it gave him the illusion that he could hide in it.

Too bad that Sollux had to face reality, something he had been escaping from for several years.

As he grabbed his laptop bag and left his small apartment he just wished he could go back in and keep escaping for some more years.

He really didn't want to start college.

Or more accurately, he didn't want to go there because he would have to interact with people.

He'd have to socialize. And try to read someone else. React the right way. Try to not do anything wrong.

The thoughts were spinning around in his head, making him feel sick to his stomach. Or was it the fact that he hadn't eaten that caused the sick feeling? Perhaps a combination?

All he could wish for as he crossed the last road to school was that he hoped for a truck to hit him and put him out of his misery.

But life was a bitch and she was surely watching Sollux from somewhere, laughing her freaking ass off at his pain.

He sucked in a deep breath and grabbed the door handle.

Somewhere in his head he could almost hear a whisper as he entered the building.

_Welcome to hell._

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I thought that I'd make things a bit interesting by Karkat and Sollux knowing each other on pesterchum. But the do NOT know each other in real life, yet. I've got something planned out for this whole thing, hehe!

Hope you enjoyed!


	3. ii2he2tariingatmeohfuck

**I Less Than Three You**

**AN: **Aaahhhh... once more I wrote most of this in school instead of programming. Haha I'm such a bad asset to my group, and we've got a deadline on thursday!  
>I guess there will be no fanfic-writing in school tomorrow D:<p>

Anyway, I'm having really fun with this, please enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 - public bool i2he2tariingatmeohfuck = true;<strong>

Introduction to the course had been hell.

He should have known to trust the little voice in the back of his head. It had welcomed him to hell, and in hell he had indeed landed.

They had been forced to introduce themselves by standing up, saying their names and a hobby. It had felt like someone punched Sollux in the gut when he realized he'd have to stand up and say his goddamned name. With a lisp.

He had with slightly shaky voice presented himself as "Thollukth Captor" who enjoyed "coding motht of the time". It didn't take long before he could hear some giggles and whispers. And it was high school all over again, he bitterly realized. Nothing had really changed. He had hoped that maybe people would change as they got older, that they'd mature. But he was wrong. He could feel the looks as well.

Or was it all in his head? His paranoia hadn't flared up so badly in years. Perhaps it wasn't such a big deal as he made it out to be.

He had barely listened to what the various teachers had talked about during the rest of the introduction, and as they announced lunch he was the last one to leave the room. Just so no one would see him scurry off with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

Instead of eating lunch in the school's cafeteria he had ended up going to the room he'd have his next lecture in, and there he sat down in front of his laptop to try and repair the damage he had done on his code during night. It was salvageable, but he was still horribly tired. But he needed the distraction so he wouldn't snap and run out of school.

"Hey, move your damned shit," a gruff voice pulled Sollux out of his coding and he met the eyes of a dark haired young man with chocolate brown eyes, and a horribly grouchy look on his face.

Sollux grimaced as he grabbed his bag and shoved it in under his chair, allowing the stranger to sit down next to him. But he didn't understand why he had to sit there of all the places in the room.

"This is the only goddamned place in this room with functioning internet cables."

Oh, well that answered why the heck he had decided to sit down beside Sollux.

It didn't take long before the other guy got his own computer up, glancing over at Sollux who clearly was avoiding eye contact by just staring at the screen, letting his fingers rapidly dance over the keyboard.

It wasn't like Sollux actually needed to watch the screen as he wrote. He knew where every key on his keyboard was, and he was confident in his coding skills. So confident that he probably could make conversation and look away from the screen while still furiously coding.  
>But of course he didn't even want to socialize. Especially not with a stranger who seemed kind of hostile. So he'd stare down his computer and keep coding until he'd be forced to do something else.<p>

Oh great, that horrible feeling in his gut was back again, but he tried to brush it off.

public GameObject g_Tower;  
>public int i_damage;<br>public bool i2he2tariingatmeohfuck = true;

Wait. Oh god was he writing that? Fuck his stupid brain for accidentally typing that into his code. He quickly deleted it and hoped the other hadn't been looking at the screen.

"Hey, fuckass, are you in there?"

Why did he have to sound so damned angry? It made Sollux mentally panic. It felt like his bare existence was a huge offence to the stranger next to him. Perhaps he really was offending. Had he done something wrong without even realizing? Oh holy crap what had he done?

"Uh, y-yeah," he managed to say after a while, feeling his face heat up horribly. Not because he was embarrassed, no, because he was still freaking out and had no idea to handle the situation.

So he just focused on his code again. And soon a little box popped up on his computer and he felt relief fill him. It was just what he needed.

CG: HEY ASSHAT, HAVEN'T JUMPED OFF OF A CLIFF YET?  
>TA: oh thank god cg ii thiink ii'm goiing two diie.<br>TA: thii2 ii2 liike fuckiing hiigh 2chool.  
>TA: have ii told you how much ii hate people?<br>TA: and how much ii hate 2chool?  
>CG: YOU GO TO COLLEGE AND PEOPLE MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIGH SCHOOL.<br>CG: THE TRUTH IS THAT COLLEGE ISN'T ANY DIFFERENT.  
>CG: THERE ARE AS MANY DOUCHES, BULLIES AND BIMBOS IN COLLEGE AS THERE IS IN HIGH SCHOOL.<br>CG: SO DEAL WITH IT.  
>TA: ii don't want two deal wiith iit.<br>TA: and there'2 thii2 guy who 2eem2 two hate me for ju2t exii2tiing or 2omethiing.  
>TA: ii don't even know what two do.<br>TA: 2hould ii 2ay 2omethiing?  
>TA: god ii am not made for thii2.<br>CG: JEEZ YOU REALLY ARE FREAKING OUT.  
>CG: IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND FACE REALITY.<br>CG: SOCIALIZE, FUCKASS.  
>TA: ii thiink ii'd rather drop out riight now.<br>CG: LIKE HELL YOU ARE.

"I saw you at that hell of an introduction. Name?"

"Uh, mine?" Sollux stupidly asked, cursing at himself as he looked at the stranger who just sent a blank stare back at him, clearly suggesting that he thought Sollux was stupid, "Oh. Thollu... Sollux Captor," he struggled a bit with the sound, but he could get it out. It was annoying how at times he could control it pretty well, and at other times he was a lisping mess.

"What kind of goddamned name is that? What the hell did your parents think when they named you?"

Sollux tensed up a bit and turned his gaze to the computer again, ignoring the question.  
>The coding window was soon up on the screen again, he didn't really want the stranger to look in on his private conversation with CG anyway.<p>

If it wasn't for CG then Sollux would most likely not even have been in school at this very moment. He had met the guy on a forum for programmers. God the guy had messed up some codes REALLY badly and needed help. Sollux had in the end gotten tired of seeing the multitude of threads about the messed up codes so he had sent the guy a PM and just told him to just send all of those codes over and he'd send them back corrected with comments about the errors.

It was one of the few things Sollux actually felt comfortable conversing about. Which was why he had fled to several forums focusing on computer issues. He liked solving others' problems, probably a little bit too much, but it was fun. And that was also how CG in the end had managed to convince him to get Pesterchum, that way he could at any given moment bother Sollux with his coding problems.

And that had been many times. So many times that Sollux almost felt like CG's personal compiler.

Eventually the two of them had started to talk about more than just codes. In fact there was probably a half year ago since CG had asked about his codes. He had clearly improved a lot since Sollux had started helping him. These days they talked about everything and nothing, and mostly complained about things. And Sollux was perfectly content with the relationship they had.

CG was the only person he liked actually socializing with. Perhaps because he was so straight forward about everything, it made it easy for Sollux who otherwise had an awful time reading people.

"Oh God don't tell me you took offense by that? What are you, a freaking pussy?"

Apparently the stranger hadn't been able to take the hint, or he just wanted to annoy Sollux even further.

"Are you alwayth thuch an athhole?" And there the lisp was back again, at full force.

"Are you always such a lisping idiot?"

Sollux was about to throw an insult right back at the other but instead he bit his lip hard and once more turned to his computer.

What an insufferable bastard. Why couldn't he just have been left alone? Perhaps it would have been more merciful to sit alone at a table in the school cafeteria.

TA: ii can't do thii2 cg.  
>CG: UGH SHUT UP I AM ALREADY GETTING A HEADACHE.<br>CG: YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE DEALING WITH IDIOTS RIGHT NOW.  
>TA: but ii can't.<br>TA: ii'm not goiing back tomorrow.  
>CG: IF YOU GIVE UP AFTER JUST A DAY THEN YOU ARE TRULY PATHETIC.<br>CG: AND I'LL BE ASHAMED OF EVEN CONSIDERING YOU BEING A FRIEND OF MINE.  
>CG: STOP BEING SO PESSIMISTIC.<br>CG: IT'S LIKE YOU ALREADY HAVE DECIDED THAT IT WILL BE SHITTY.  
>TA: iit II2 2hiitty.<br>TA: and you 2houldn't talk, you are fuckiing negatiive all the tiime.  
>TA: hypocriite.<br>CG: FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS, DUMBASS.  
>TA: excu2e2.<br>CG: SHUT UP I DON'T HAVE TIME RIGHT NOW.  
>TA: jeez 2orry, talk two you later then.<br>CG: DON'T GO AND CRY IN THE GIRL'S BATHROOM.  
>- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA] -<p>

Once more it was just Sollux and the angry stranger in the room. There was no one left to save Sollux from his demise.

They lived in a cruel world.

And no one would ever be able to convince him of the contrary.

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to go and cry in the girl's bathroom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Poor, poor boys...  
>And right! Sollux is programming a game right now, haha. I took the variables from the script I'm doing right now, just cause I'm lazy like that and don't feel like making up new code for Sollux.<p>

I don't think I've got that much more to say! This fic will probably get more serious eventually, after all it's marked as angst as well as romance. The humor is a bonus c:


	4. The scale is broken

**I Less Than Three You  
><strong>**  
>AN: <strong>Ehehehe, sorry for the long wait! I've had the chapter almost finished for quite a long time, but I have not had the motivation or inspiration to write it down until today. So today I rewrote the entire chapter, and I feel pretty content. I'm sorry if there are any errors! Feel free to tell me if you spot something. Thanks for your support!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 - The scale is broken<strong>

TA: hey cg.  
>CG: WOW. IT IS ALIVE.<br>TA: yeah yeah. Iit'2 a fuckiing miiracle.  
>CG: THERE IS NO SUCH THINGS AS MIRACLES, THAT'S JUST A DELUSION PEOPLE KEEP WAITING FOR BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO WIMPY TO TAKE MATTERS INTO THEIR OWN HANDS AND FACE THE REALITY.<br>TA: ugh alriight anyway.  
>TA: how pathetiic on a 2cale from 1 two 10 would iit be iif ii 2pent a break iin a 2chool'2 re2troom?<br>CG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK ME.  
>CG: 10.<br>CG: NO WAIT. 10 ISN'T HIGH ENOUGH.  
>CG: THE SCALE IS BROKEN, THAT IS HOW PATHETIC IT WOULD BE.<br>CG: ACTUALLY, LET ME GO A BIT DEEPER INTO THIS. DO YOU KNOW WHY THE SCALE BROKE? LET ME TELL YOU, IT COULDN'T HANDLE THE AMMOUNT OF PATHETICNESS SO IT DECIDED TO COMMIT SUICIDE. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, TA? TO KNOW THAT YOU WOULD CLAIM THE SCALE'S LIFE?  
>TA: oh.<br>TA: well, bye.  
>CG: WHAT.<br>CG: OH GOD.  
>CG: DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE ACTUALLY IN A RESTROOM.<br>TA: ii miight or miight not be 2iittiing on a toiilet thii2 very moment.  
>CG: HOLY CRAP.<br>CG: I CAN'T DECIDE IF THIS IS HILARIOUS OR SIMPLY TRAGIC.  
>CG: HILARIOUSLY TRAGIC, PERHAPS?<br>CG: OR TRAGICALLY HILARIOUS.  
>CG: HAHA OH MY GOD.<br>CG: WOW.  
>TA: 2crew you, a22hole.<p>

Sollux harshly shut his laptop as soon as he had hit enter, and then slid it into his bag. Finally he stretched out his legs, feeling the blood rushing back into them. They had gone numb quite some time ago since it was no easy task to sit comfortably on a toilet seat in a very narrow stall.

He let out an frustrated sigh as he glanced around himself. There was some crude drawings on the wall of the stall. Sollux almost felt like adding some obscene words and drawings of his own, just to get some of his frustrations out.

But why was he even angry at CG? Sollux knew that the other was totally right. Sollux was being pathetic, and he had been asking for CG to make fun of him. And it was kind of tragic, wasn't it? Sollux Captor, age 19, was sitting in the school's restroom because he was scared and wanted to avoid social situations at all costs. How was that not tragic?

Guilt suddenly struck him. It was funny how fast his mood could change. He was starting to feel quite bad about leaving CG like that. He'd have to apologize later, hopefully he other wouldn't have taken all that much offense. After all CG was kind of used to Sollux and his weird mood swings.

Sollux pulled a hand through his hair and was just about to stand up when he heard someone enter. Instead of just heading out like any other normal person, he quickly pulled his legs up again and held hid bag against his chest. He couldn't help tensing up.

"Haha yeah, I know, some people in class are really weird, you know?"

There was a short pause and a few laughs.

"No fucking shit. Like that skinny guy with the lisp. What's up with him? He's like a ghost, just disappearing whenever class is over..."

Sollux bit his lip and felt his heart start beating faster. Shit, why did it feel like the walls of the stall all of a sudden was closing in on him? He just wanted to run. But he was frozen in place.

"I was thinking the same, the guy haven't talked to anyone really. I wonder..."

All of a sudden the sound of running water took over, making the rest of the conversation hard to overhear. And perhaps that was for the best. Sollux didn't need to hear more anyway.

He bit his lip and he could feel his face heat up in shame. Apparently he had already gained a label; the strange skinny ghostly guy with a lisp. Not all that different from high school. Or well, in high school he had been ridiculed in front of a lot of people. The guys who had made him their personal victim had never hesitated to humiliate him. Perhaps that wouldn't happen now that he was in college. At least he hoped it wouldn't turn out like high school.

After what felt like an eternity silence once more ruled the restroom. He was alone again.

He didn't waste any time before he got up and quickly left the small stall, leaving the restroom behind and hurrying towards his next class.

If he had felt bad before, he felt even more horrible now. When he entered the room he could see the guys whom he had heard talking, they were glancing towards him and Sollux could swear that they were whispering something as they looked at him. He lowered his head slightly and scurried to the back of the classroom, sitting a few seats away from that angry guy he had had the pleasure to meet a few days earlier.

Thankfully he hadn't talked to him since then, and if Sollux was going to get his way they'd never speak again.

But Sollux should have known that he was never lucky enough to get things his way. Nope, he had no luck. And the few times something good happened, it always seemed to happen something worse afterward.

Sollux turned his attention to his notebook after a while. He didn't really listen to the teacher though, instead he just doodles. He was awful at drawing, but it at least calmed him somewhat and gave him something else to think about.

"So, I was thinking that perhaps a small group-project would be nice, to make you guys get to know each other a bit better!"

Sollux's head snapped up and he stared at the teacher in horror. The word _group-project_ could always get his attention.

Oh no. He couldn't do that. What gave the teacher the right to do that of all things?

Sollux's stomach was twisting around and it almost felt like a pair of hands were wrapped around his throat, trying to slowly but surely suffocate him. A part of him wished that the non-existing hands just would finish him off to spare him from any more suffering.

_No Sollux, you can't freak out in class... you can't freak out in class. You can not freak out in this goddamned class!_

"Group 1 consists of Sollux Captor and Karkat Vantas."

Sollux frowned and glanced around, trying to force away the panic that was brewing underneath the surface. Who the fuck was Karkat Vantas? He hadn't really listened anything during introduction day. He turned his head to the right when he heard a frustrated sigh, and he met the glance of the angry stranger.

"Oh."

"Great, of all people I get paired up with you. Fanfuckingtastic."

And all Sollux could do was to wish for a lightning to strike him from above. Or for the roof to cave in on top of him. Just anything to make him get out of this horrible situation. What had he done to deserve it?

"The feeling ith mutual," Sollux muttered under his breath and glanced forward again.

He tried to concentrate on the teacher's instructions, but it was all in vain. All he could think of was the fact that he'd have to work with a person. Another living human being who he wouldn't be able to read. And it was the angry guy of all people. The project was doomed to fail.

The rest of the class passed in a haze, and as soon as it was over he grabbed his bag and was out of the classroom before anyone else. He just wanted to go home and crawl into the bed and hide under his blanket forever.

And that was exactly what he did once he was home. He got his shoes off, turned the blinds down and dropped his computer bag next to his bed. Then he crawled into bed with no intentions of going to school the next day. Actually, he had no intentions of ever going back to school.

Sollux Captor had officially given up.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>And that's it for chapter 4! I'm going to try and work on chapter 5 now, so it won't be taking so long until I update! Feel free to tell me what you think! And in a polite way, please. I can take critique and I'm aware of the fact that my english isn't perfect since it isn't my first language... OTL

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! c:


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